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Understand & Improve Self Esteem

picture of a yin Yan symbol as a metaphor for balance needed to improve your self esteem and recover from codependency, overcome depression or reduce anxiety using cognitive-behavioral therapy.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

(Eleanor Roosevelt)

By whatever term you choose to call it: self-esteem, self respect, self concept -- we are discussing the subject of what you think, and thereby, (feel) about yourself.

Since you have no other valid option, you are your companion, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year -- for your entire life!

As this is the case, it seems to be in your best interest to be your best friend. Who wants a traveling partner they don't think positively about?

A realistic level of what you think about yourself is an important part of successful living. The alternative would be to check out, and that just doesn't have a rational justification

However, if you are seriously thinking about suicide, please visit the Crisis section for help.

Not attemtpting to be trivial about the matter, I hope I have your attention about what is probalby the most significant factor underlying any problem you may be facing.

Often, when asked, many people will state they have poor, or low self-esteem.
In response, I offer this statement for you to consider:

LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS THE RESULT OF TELLING LIES

I’ll come back to this point in a moment.

For now, I ask you to think about your self esteem as if it were a batch of cookies. How do we make cookies? To begin, we need a recipe which gives instructions, AND a list of specific ingredients.

Using the recipe, we mix everything together, place on a pan and bake for a period of time. For the cookies to come out right, the ingredients need to be correct and accurate (i.e.,"true").

So, how would the cookies come out if you used
sand instead of flour, salt instead of sugar,
and motor oil instead of milk?
picture of sesame street cookie monster saying - me no like coookie next to a picture of brown, burnt cookies as a metaphor for what would happen to cookies if incorrect ingredients were used. This is another metaphor for how low self esteem is produced from a cognitive behavioral standpoint. We put bad ingredients in our thoughts which will produce negative self concept and poor self esteem.

Just like the cookies, your self-esteem is created by the mixing of ingredients. They are just combined in your thoughts.

Here is the recipe for a good batch of self-esteem:

    • Value for yourself as a human being.

    • sincere Belief about, and realistic Approval of: YOURSELF

    • Acknowledgement of your significance as a person and permission to exist.

Just as with our cookies, for a batch of self-esteem to turn out well, your "ingredients" need to be accurate and true.

So, if your batch of self esteem is coming out poorly, you are using incorrect and false ("irrational") ingredients ("information").

YOU'RE TELLING YOURSELF LIES & BELIEVING THEM!

My suggestion is for you to consider this concept very deeply. Your thoughts and beliefs about yourself involve false messages and negative, irrational information.

painting of single leaf as metaphor for poor self esteem which from the cognitive behavioral viewpoint is produced by irrational and false thoughts about self.

These "lies" are producing
poor self esteem.

Here are some truthful statements to consider that can help correct your self defeating and irrational thoughts:

  1. ALL human beings have worth & value

  2. ALL human beings have purpose and are significant

  3. ALL human beings can and will make mistakes

  4. ALL human behaviors, characteristics, values, etc. can be modifed

Since you are a human being, all of these factual statements will apply to you. Try reading them again with this in mind.

And, if there are certain people you consider of little worth, value or significance, I call your attention to statement #'s 3 & 4. If they chose to, they could change.

Think, if you will, about a baby: innocent, precious, full of value and worth. We all come into the world with value, worth and significance.

YOU DID, and whatever you may or may not have done, said, etc., this FACT is a constant! Believing the truth about yourself is the start of rational self-esteem.

Go to the next page for some techniques to correct your thinking errors and realistically improve your self esteem.






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