How to Improve Self-Esteem at My Counseling Site

Techniques to Improve Self Esteem

picture of the famous statue by Auguste Rodin: the thinker as a metaphor for how cognitive behavioral therapy improves self esteem by changing inaccurate thoughts to valid concepts to view oneself by

I think,
therefore I am

- René Descartes

Counseling techniques to improve your self-esteem involve what you have come to think, and therefore believe about yourself.

Using a cognitive behavioral approach, the goal is to exchange the false, negative and irrational beliefs with a "rational" and accurate self evaluation and appraisal.

Here is a simple challenge:

From this moment forward, dispute any negative (untrue) thoughts, or self talk. These are repititions of old messages, and mislead you into thinking YOU are not an adequate or "good enough" person.

When disputing a thought or correcting negative self talk, you may recall behaviors of the past. Set these aside for the moment.

An irrational belief that maintains poor self esteem is that actions equal self. While your actions are part of your experience, you did the best you could do with what you had at the time. Behavior is always subject to adjustment.

Your behavior is NOT your identity

Self Talk refers to the "conversation" we have with ourselves about ourself. It has a tendency to be about judging our behavior. Since language is thought, this is a major source for the negative and irrational thinking that supports low self esteem.

Be aware of the critical judgments you make about yourself in your self talk. Below are listed some common things we say to ourself and some suggested corrections:

Self Talk Example	Correct With:
"Boy, you're stupid (or dumb, etc.)"	"That sure was a stupid (or dumb, etc.) thing to do (or choose, etc.), I'll do better next time."
"You really should do (fill in the blank) ."	"I believe (or think) it would be best to (fill in the blank) ."
"How can I be so (dumb, stupid, lazy, idiotic, etc.)"	"I have been acting (dumb, stupid, lazy, idiotic, etc.) lately, I need to make some changes."

A technique that works to correct and improve self esteem is the use of Self Affirmations. These are statements about you that are rational, accurate and positive.

The healing goal is to re-record over the false, negative and irrational messages you've accumulated over time, and have reinforced. By doing this exercise daily, the false and negative is replaced with the true and affirming.

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

The format of a positive affirmation is as follows:

I, [your name], am [affirmation goes here]

Here are some examples:

I, Tim, am a considerate person.	I, Tim, am capable and hardworking.
I, Tim, am an honest person.	I, Tim, have skills and abilities.
so forth and so on........get the idea?

Keep the affirmation part straightforward. Keep it relatively simple. Don't change the verb AM. Make it a true statement about you.

Try to develop 7 to 10 affirmations. If you really get stuck here, ask someone close (and whom you trust) to tell you a positive quality. Fell free to use my examples to get you going.

Now comes the effort part:

At the start of your day, take 5-10 minutes and write these affirmations out on a piece of paper a minimum of 3 times. Five times would be better.

No, it won't work just to read them; and no, typing them on the computer isn't the same. Unless writing by hand is troublesome or impossible, you benefit the most from writing these out.

Having clients keep their affirmations on a card and reading them at times throughout the day is a supplement that I use in my counseling practice.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Intervention

As you write the affirmations out you may notice a "voice" that tells you the statement isn't true, this is a waste of time, etc. This is the old "negative self" rebelling against being replaced.

Dispute any contrary thought or belief that occurs. Use facts and information to support and strengthen your case. As an example:

I write, "I, Tim, am a considerate person." I notice remembering how rude I was to somebody a while back.

I dispute this "voice" and recall times I have given to charity, thought about a friend in need, did someone a favor, etc. These facts support my statement that I am considerate.

I continue the challenge by acknowledging that I have acted rudely on occaison. I'll make the mistake of acting rudely at some point in the future. This does not change the "truth" that I usually act in a considerate manner, and it is accurate to state that, I AM, a considerate person.

Disputing or disagreeing with your false and self-defeating thinking is a challenge in the beginning. It becomes easier with practice, and eventually you won't need to do it because you know the truth.

Use the Affirmations technique for a month (30 days). Complete it everyday - no breaks. See if there isn't improvement in your level of self-esteem.

There is a wonderful handout I would like you to have. Feel free to read and print out a copy. Handout

You will get a good deal of benefit if you read through this at least once a day, or whenever you need the boost.

There are several books on the topic of self esteem. Find the ones I recommend at the My Counseling Site Bookstore.

If you are a woman who is near or past 40, or are looking for information about absolute wellness for women, may I suggest: