Home
Counseling Explained
Counseling by Email
Relationship Help
How to Stop Arguing
Communication Skills
Gender Differences
Affair Recovery
Toxic Identity Shame
Codependency
Improve Self Esteem
Stop Your Anger
Passive Aggressive
Addiction Help
End Your Anxiety
DEPRESSION
Can Medication Help?
My BOOKSTORE
Domestic Violence
CRISIS HELP
RESOURCE LINKS
 

Codependence Recovery (con't)

 Section Index 

Codependence recovery is a process. It's an expedition to discover and reclaim your lost "SELF". Once you've accomplished this and corrected your thinking, you will come to know the truth about who you really are.

Along your path to success lies some therapeautic work on two very significant elements:
1) Dealing with family of origin issues;
2) Improving your self esteem.

As your journey of recovery moves forward, you'll come upon two behaviors essential to living a life beyond codependency.

Setting BOUNDARIES

Practicing DETACHMENT

picture of a tree lined path to illustrate the journey followed in codependence recovery using cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to set boundaries and use detachment.

If you have been reading along, you probably have a good level of understanding about the concept of boundaries. You may even know the answer to this question:

How do you develop boundaries?

(Remember Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz"? The answer is just as it was for her red slippers.)

You've always had them -- You just need to use them!

You are a whole, complete individual. You have no missing pieces. The boundaries that will contain, sustain, and protect your-"self" have been available to you all the time. The fundamental task at hand is to reclaim them. Sometimes this is called setting your boundaries. First though, you have to own them before you can set them.

Healing the "wounded" parts of your self must happen. The family of origin messages require correction and re-recording. Without doing this deeper level of "RE - COVERING" work, your boundaries won't be at full strength. Just as when you were a child, "bullies" (those you perceive, or give power to be in authority) will be able to overpower you.

As a child, you were a victim of those you loved.

As an adult, you don't have to be!

  1. When you claim your physical self, you will:
    protect, preserve, maintain & sustain it.
    (Physical Boundary)


  2. When you claim your feelings, you will:
    protect, preserve, maintain & sustain them.
    (Emotional Boundary)


  3. When you claim your thoughts you will:
    protect, preserve, maintain & sustain them.
    (Psychological Boundary)

Once on a healing journey, claiming and setting your boundaries will become almost second nature. You will reclaim the lost self and learn to love your – self.

Loving yourself does not mean becoming a self-centered, narcissistic person who doesn't care about anyone or anything besides themselves.

Loving yourself means you develop a sincere and realistic opinion of, love for, concern about, and acceptance of yourself. Everything you were supposed to have been given as a child!

Here's a simple and effective exercise that can help

Stand in front of your bathroom mirror.
Look directly at the person you see.
Make eye contact.

In a calm, easy tone,
(as if speaking to a young child)
say these words:

"I LOVE YOU"

Don't think the words,
say them, OUTLOUD,
so you can hear them.

Keep doing this at least once a day.
It may be difficult at first.
It may feel very uncomfortable. Try anyway.

Notice that your mind will think things like,
"this is silly", "no you don't", or even worse.

Don't let this stop you. Ignore the thoughts;
just say these precious words, and hear them.

A day will come. You'll look in the mirror.
You'll see yourself as you truly are, and say:

"I LOVE YOU."

Your mind's only thought will be: "Yes I do."


picture of a puzzle with a piece missing. It is as a metaphor for how detachment is a missing behavior for a codependent.

Detachment

As author Melody Beattie clearly states in her marvelous book: Codependence: No More,

"Ideally, detachment is releasing, or detaching from, a person or problem, in love." 1

You don't stop caring about others, You stop caring for them.

You start caring about and for your - "self".

Detachment allows you to be you - not what others want or need you to be for them. You are a separate being; an individual. You are lovable, and you are truly unique. In all of recorded history, there never has been another person just like you. This is not something that is earned. It is something that JUST IS!

Detaching happens in the present and the past. Release from the past means forgiving others. In the present it means forgiving yourself as well as others. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is choosing to not hold anything "against" someone. It is releasing the resentments that bind you in judgement.

Codependence recovery is a journey that you will travel along for a while. It will eventually merge with the bigger journey of life itself. Laughingly you will refer to yourself as a, "recovered" Codependent.

Learn and own what happened to you as a child and adolescent. Reclaim your-self and heal any wounds. Learn to cherish your child within. Claim and use your boundaries to maintain and sustain. Don't attach to people, connect with them.

Forgive!
Love yourself -- and others.

Be at Peace!



Understanding, recognizing and recovering from codependency is an area that could benefit from an online counseling connection. To get a handle on your people pleasing behavior, you might consider using my online services. You can find out more about this convenient, cost-effective method of working with a professional at the Email Counseling Gateway.



Enhance your web browsing and get other useful software.

Google
 

Section Index: Codependency Counseling Issues

Codependence Explained
- Page 1 -

Codependence Explained
- Page 2 -

How Codependency
Is Learned
  

Codependence Recovery
- Page 1 -

Codependence Recovery
- Page 2 -

How to Improve
Your Self Esteem

RETURN to TOP



footer for Codependence recovery page