Counseling for Anger - Page 2

Great, you've decided to keep reading. You can make significant changes in the way you handle the thoughts that underlie anger, if you're willing to practice the techniques I'm about to outline.

Just so you know, I've been providing anger counseling and teaching this method for quite some time, AND, I have personally learned and practiced what I will be suggesting.

It's unethical to offer any kind of guarantee; and, if you don't do the work the techniques won't either. If you can get an understanding, practice the techniques, and use them consistently, you may know a level of self control like you've never experienced before.

You can stop getting angry the way you used to, you'll have an improved sense of self, and you will be in conrol of that which you can control: YOU!

To begin, let's review the cognitive-behavioral behavior chain.

Anger is, of course, only an emotion. Notice how it is a "secondary" effect, a form of by-product, of your thought or evaluation about any particular event that occurs.

As it loops back and becomes rage, it will become a strong stimulus and influence your behavior response. It leads to the outbursts, the raised voice, the endless arguing, the aggressive and defensive behaviors.

The feeling of anger, by itself, has no purpose. It is only an emotion. It usually is "covering up" thoughts of frustration, hurt, fear, or worry. Your behavior has a purpose. It is the response to an event.

To change the unwanted behavior response you need to back up in the chain to the thought or evaluation element. This is what can be controlled and modified.

Before I explain a method that has shown a significant level of success in my counseling practice I want to ask you the following questions.

Do you truly want to change your anger response?

Are you willing to put forth the energy and focus it will require?

3. Will you give this method a sincere chance for a minimum of 30 days?

If you answered yes to all of the above, there is a good chance that at the end of 30 days you will feel a greater sense of self control and influence in your life. You will have a sense of calm and effective coping skills for the problems that arise in life.

Why 30 days?

Because you are changing a "habit."

Your old anger response will be replaced by a new way of thinking and dealing with the events of your life. It takes that long for the change to become the new habit.

Ready?

To start replacing your anger response you need to learn how to use your RESET button.

Didn't know you had one? Well you do, and gaining access to it is far more simple than you can imagine. Althought the action is easy, it is exceptionally powerful!

TAKE A DEEP
CLEANSING
BREATH

Too simple? .... Try it. There is a reason it works.

Read before doing

Close your eyes
Take a deep, cleansing breath and exhale slowly
Notice what is in your mind as you exhale

You will notice that your mind is blank. This lasts only for a second, AND, it is still enough time for your anger response chain to be RESET

Whenever life becomes frustrating, hurtful, or otherwise troubling, you can stop and take a quick deep breath.

Here's the IMPORTANT part:

After you take that breath, you can choose to be in control of what you think and thereby what you do next.

As you practice, and learn to "RESET" the response chain, it becomes second nature. You'll let go of the entitlement thinking, and choose coping with the issue over reverting to self protection and anger.

You'll choose to go down a different path; one without anger.

Click here for the handout.
An Autobiography In 5 Short Chapters

I suggest you print it out, and carry a copy with you. Pull it out from time to time and use it as a reminder of why you are doing all of this. If you focus on the reason you're trying to make changes, it will give the reset technique a deeper meaning.

I cannot stress this point enough: For this method to really work, you must commit yourself to doing it. No matter what you may think of it right now.

Another process that helps you prepare for, and recognize, when you need to use the reset technique is to do periodic:

STRESS CHECKS

Again, this is a task that takes commitment and focus initially. It can only be effective if done consistently, every day (weekends, vacations, days off, etc. included). As you practice doing Stress Checks, it gets easier and eventually becomes a part of your thinking process. Here is a suggested format:

Upon waking, and at periodic intervals throughout the day, rate your stress level on a scale of 0 to 10.
(Doing this about every two hours seems to work best.)
If you find your level above 4, this can alert you of increased tension and greater potential to respond with anger/rage.
By knowing your level of tension at any given time, you can be ready to RESET when a "triggering" event pops up.

The process is simple: change what you are thinking and you will change what you are feeling, and how you are behaving. The challenge is making it happen. These techniques will make the challenge something you can accomplish.

This method has worked for many men and women in my counseling practice. Why not at least give it a try. You stand a great chance of getting your anger response under control.

Remember you are okay! It's the behavior resulting from the anger response that isn't working. You aren't entitled to life going your way all the time. Shift from frustration, worry, fear, etc. to coping and creating solutions.

Keep aware of your stress level

Take a breath and RESET whenever you need to.

Choose the active, response path of solutions, instead of the reactive and destructive way of anger. May God bless my friend.

Support for anger modification can be obtained through online counseling. To learn more about how to use this tool for professional counseling assistance visit the: Email Counseling Gateway

To help you deal with your anger, as I do in my private practice, here are some books many have found useful and I highly recommend:

Visit here to enhance and improve your web browsing as well as pick up other useful applications:

RETURN to top of page