Counseling for Anger Problems

This type of counseling work is challenging in its beginning stages. However, if one is willing to put forth the effort, learning how to handle your anger problems can be achieved.

Usually this counseling format is called "Anger Management"; I would suggest that you may want to do more than just learn how to manage your anger.

The expereince of anger is confusing. While expressing it, you may have a sense of power, and believe you are in control. Unfortunately, these are "irrational" thoughts and feelings.

Once the anger subsides and your thinking returns to "rational", you recognize the lack of control, and often feel depressed and frustrated; setting up another cycle of anger.

I believe you really want to be rid of it! You want to break free and change your behavior when feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, discouraged, worried, fearful, aggravated, etc. It can be done if you are willing to do the work.

Unless you're someone who doesn't feel remorse about it, you don't like your anger or behavior anymore than those around you. I encourage you to read through this section and learn how to make the necessary changes.

If you don't feel remorse about the effects of your anger upon others, the information offered will be of little use.
You may want to discuss your problems with a behavioral healthcare professional.

If it is your partner that you are concerned about, feel free to read on. You may gain some understanding into the mechanisms of rage and anger. Please know this: You are NOT responsible for your partner's anger. You did not "trigger" it or cause the outbursts to happen.

You may want to visit the Codependence section to learn about setting bondaries. Also, if the anger of your partner has led to physical confrontation, you may want to read the Domestic Violence section. You will be helping yourself, AND your partner.

If you are sincere about wanting to break free and regain your self control, there is a lasting way to replace the uncomfortable habit of raging behavior. That's correct, I said RAGING behavior. Rage is simply out of control anger.

It's really not about feeling angry. The problem happens by allowing a momentary thought of frustration, hurt, worry, fear, etc. to "irrationally" direct your behavior choice. The by-product of this are the emotions of anger, leading to rage.

There are a few events where rage directed behavior is "appropriate". These involve actual physical threat, and a "defensive" action is necessary, (i.e., you're mugged, you are in combat, a loved one's safety is threatened, etc.). Besides these, behavior influenced by rage is inappropriate, and "over the top".

Another thing to consider is that, over time, a pattern of anger can have negative effects on your health. The potential for heart problems and stroke are significantly increased.^{1, 2}

A behavioral response with anger or rage factored in places the body under extreme tension (stress). The heart rate and respiration increase, blood pressure rises and the adrenal gland goes into high gear. The whole body prepares for: Fight or Flight.

Holding in your anger can lead to depression, and may result in gastro-intestinal problems. So, suppressing anger isn't a positive way to handle it either.

That's right, you, I, and everyone else are NOT entitled to anything. The only thing life truly guarantees is that you will die.

Harsh words, but true! You live in a world of chaos, limits, insecurity and injustice. You come across people of different personality traits. FACT: You can't control people, places or things.

I challenge you to examine the thoughts that lead to the damage brought on by an anger/rage response.

Life isn't fair, never has been & never will be, so what are you angry about anyway?

Yes, you can do things to cope with life. The point here is that you are NOT helpless.

Why waste the energy on a response that doesn't work and hurts everyone involved? Instead, you could use the brain power to develop a strategy to deal with the situation.